It’s Just a Thought. It’s Just a Feeling.
In my previous post, I shared that the point of therapy is to build a relationship with yourself. So, how does one begin this process (aside from deciding to talk to someone who can help ask the right questions, guide exploration, and offer accountability)?
It starts with recognizing that you have an active and vibrant internal world—and it’s time to start paying attention to it. I’m talking about your thoughts and feelings. Becoming aware of your inner experience is the first step. You can check out one of my earlier posts for guidance on how to start tuning in (hint: mindfulness is key). But what happens when, in paying attention, you notice just how critical or negative your inner dialogue is? Or, if you're like many of my anxious clients, you might feel overwhelmed by how much time you spend stuck in your head, often blowing things out of proportion.
One of the first things I explore with clients is how to notice the unique “language” of their body (feelings) and brain (thoughts), because each of us is wired to be triggered by different things.
Once we develop awareness, we begin working on building skills to help gain distance from thoughts and feelings. This step is crucial because the brain often believes—without question—every thought or emotion it produces, and we let those internal experiences dictate our decisions. We call this getting hooked by thoughts and feelings, like a fish caught on a line, pulled in whatever direction those thoughts want to take us.
Clients often describe this experience as feeling powerless—like anxiety has taken the wheel, or the inner critic throws out one harsh judgment and suddenly it’s game over. This is especially true for clients struggling with perfectionism or people-pleasing, where unrealistic expectations quickly spiral into self-criticism.
In therapy, I teach skills to unhook from those thoughts and feelings. They don’t disappear, and they’re often still uncomfortable—but we learn to hold them with a bit more distance. A thought becomes just a thought. A feeling becomes just a feeling. They no longer have the power to control your decisions or define your worth.
Ultimately, building a relationship with yourself means learning to observe your inner world with compassion and curiosity, rather than judgment or fear. With time and practice, you can become the one in charge—not your anxiety, not your inner critic, just you. It’s just a thought. It’s just a feeling. And while they have some important information for us that we want to pay attention to, they are NOT the end all, be all.
